Dear Lady-with-bitchy-face-at-Nails, Inc.-on-Main-St.,
You have inspired me. I am now putting into effect a Groundhog’s Day resolution (in the New Year’s resolution family, just a littlelater in the new year) to practice having a happier looking still face. Your absent stare just above the forehead of the Asian woman on her knees painting your toe nails was, well, bitchy. And, unlike the Chick-with-the-bitch-snot-face-at-the-gym who actually is a bitch– I know from locker room interactions and gym gossip— your face (LWBFANIOMS’s face) might be a misrepresentation of who you are as a person.
This has lead me to believe that, although I EFFING HATE when strangers tell me to smile, I should smile. Or, at least appear to be thinking about something pleasant while I jam my oversized metal cage of a shopping cart down the Costco aisles, or am waiting for the person in front of me to count out pennies when all I want is a McFlurry and I have exact change, and/or feel as though the person at the check out at Target isn’t bagging my goods to my liking however it doesn’t matter because what that person is doing is just fine the way they’re doing it now, and/or when the host at the restaurant doesn’t seat me immediately because I’m not a somebody to her but to a lot of people I am a somebody and my reservation was for ten minutes ago and I went through the trouble of making a reservation and I showered and brushed my hair and the people I’m with are, really, when you think about it, attractive enough to be celebrities so just freaking seat us at that open table right there and/or, you know, when I’m getting my toe nails painted and the woman next to me, while drying her nails, is peering over her US Weekly judging me.