I was out to dinner with my sister and her friend recently in Los Angeles. The friend, Suzy, started an MFA program at San Diego State University three years ago and, like me, moved to Southern California from Minneapolis after years of living there. As we were talking over spring rolls, she talked of “soul friends,” and it stayed with me.


One can quickly guess that a “soul friend” is like a “soul mate,” in the sense that they fulfill you in ways no one else can. They are connected to you for life. The way I interpret it is that a soul mate is singular, whereas one can have many soul friends. Maybe only a handful, but I like to think you can have soul friends from each critical point in your life. I have my soul friends that I grew up with who know me in ways that others can’t because they knew me when I was awkward and insecure. They’ve seen me through some of the most pivotal moments in my life. And our relationships have changed over the years, but there is never a moment when we feel as though too much time has passed.


And there are my soul friends that I met in college, who in four short years became my constant companions.


In every sense, a soul friend is one who can easily sit with you in silence, one who anticipates your emotions, one who challenges and compliments you.

I think a lot about friendships. When I moved to California, I could count the people I knew on one hand. Much has changed, but every now and again I get caught up in thinking about my other friends and how they see each other often and I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out. But I know I’m supposed to be here, so it comforts me to know that those I miss most are my soul friends and friendships forged like that are never easily undone.


3 responses »

  1. kirsey says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more and can’t wait to coin the phrase “soul friends.” I don’t have many but my soul friends are so very important to me, I don’t know what I’d do without them. I’ve called Abby my ‘adult friend’ since high school because I always new we’d be great friends as adults, but ‘soul friends’ is just so much better!

  2. karirockjuice says:

    I like that. A lot.

  3. ebats says:

    YES! you know, i’ve been thinking about this, too, but I just didn’t know how to articulate what i felt– i am totally copping soulfriends now.
    it’s comforting to know that your big move worked out on this front– that the soulfriend bonds did not break but got much stronger for the distance while you’re doing big cool career things in LA.

    I’m probs going to be picking a city and moving there in a few months, and reading this made it feel less scary. 🙂

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