My guilty pleasure when traveling is allowing my self to buy an US weekly (typically  balanced by a National Geographic or something).  The only other time I allow myself to read this US is on the treadmill, and that usually ends up in disaster as I tend to run slantily (wd?) unless I’m paying attention.  As I type I’m on a Virgin America flight (to be discussed in a later blog) and I’ve got my New Yorker so you know I’ve got my  US.

 

The US I’m talking about was obviously of particular interest due to the fact that Jake and Resse are on the cover with the quote “He’s the one!” But, I haven’t even gotten to that part yet and have laughed out loud twice.  When did US get a sense of humor?

 

OrdersGateway.jpg

 

 

Exhibit A

“Project Runway Star Cat Fight!

Me-ouch! On March 18th,  Project Runway star Kenley Collins was arrested for assault and criminal possession of a weapon after she [brace yourself] allegedly threw a cat at fiancé, Zak Penley, in their Brooklyn apartment.  After the season five finalist hit him in the face with his tabby, Arlo, [it gets better] she pitched her laptop at the musician, slammed a door on his head and pelted him with three apples and water.  ‘It was a breakup that went badly,’ Collins said.  The show’s [PR] judge Michael Kors [love the man, don’t love the clothes] wasn’t surprised.  ‘She’s so argumentative,’ he tells Us, adding, ‘I can’t imagine using one of my cats as a weapon.’”

Wow.the proof

 

Exhibit B

In the section “The Record” US does a little breakdown of celeb news, babies, engagements, divorces, big deals, real-estate, movie, and otherwise, etcetera.

In a segment this week, entitled, “Ailing,” we learn Matt Lauer is hurting.

 

Today host Matt Lauer, 51, separated his shoulder [wait for it] after [wait for it] hitting [pause] a DEER [it gets better] WHILE BIKING ON NEW YORK’S LONG ISLAND

 

What the what?

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One response »

  1. ebats says:

    ….i think my favorite part of the whole cat-as-projectile thing is that they INCLUDED THE CAT’S NAME. this is reportage at its finest.

    how the motherfuck do you hit a deer while cycling on FLAT GROUND? oooh, unless the deer had a beef with Matt Lauer and was waiting under an overpass or something to leap out and fling himself at Matt Lauer’s bike… maybe Matt Lauer killed the deer’s dad back when he was just a bambi. in which case I HOPE YOUR SEPARATED SHOULDER HURTS, YOU BASTARD!

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